For Women only (reader discretion advised)

the article you are about to read is intended for female readers only...Unless you have joined the sisterhood--then I guess its okay.

I have been contemplating for a while about writing what I have learned and experienced about being a woman. I have issues as a woman, as I bet many other women have, and it becomes even more complicated when culture, race, and religion all intertwine itself.

Stereotyping women with regards to culture and race, does not help in a woman's individuality and self worthiness. Where many cultures regard women as lesser in hierarchy and that considering a woman as a ‘good catch’ would mean knowing how to cook, raise children and coming from a ‘Buena familia.’ In terms of religion, ‘the submissive one’, ‘the quiet and gentle spirit’, and one with ‘a noble character.’ would be the epitome of such description.

When I ponder at all these words many times over, I am faced with a mythical persona. Why? Because there is no such woman who fits all these things. It is WHAT we in society would want a woman to be--- NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! Unless one tries to be a faux damsel, then good luck! If and when someone tries to be the epitome of a perfect woman, then she is bound (kandado, de serrado --yale lock pa!) to all those descriptions and tries to be just that---- In other words, she tries to be what society dictates of her and therefore it is not her authentic self------she is a fake…..when a woman lives up to someone else’s connotation of womanhood, then it’s a fake….faux…hindi totoong tao…a dream…panaginip...

Earlier in my married life, fights with my husband often would be like this:

He: “the bible says you have to submit….AT ALL TIMES.”

Me: “is that so?

He “yes, just look it up.!”

Me: “then drop dead!” .

He: “why should I do that!..that’s not nice!”

Me: “di ba the bible also said, love your wife as Christ love the church and died for it…

So if you love me, drop dead….or in a nicer tone---If I submit, will you drop dead, please?!.”

TOO-SHEY (Touche)

But then I‘ve learned that in every good marriage, learning how to have a good fight without going overboard is therapy. Of course our arguments become hysterical and then historical at times, whose doesn‘t?!….but then as I said ,. ‘away nalang aron walay gubot!’

As I pondered and searched on the whys of these gender roles, I stumbled into something very amusing which I would like to share with all women. I found out that in the pre historic times, women were considered to be ‘godlike’ in the sense that they had a special ability to bring ‘new life’ into this world. Women were the Power! Women RULED!--In those days, women were very tribal among themselves. Keeping their secrets about them. They only chose the best males to propagate with since these will eventually lead to better races. The weaklings were discarded. Even the men where under their spell. …UNTIL….the men discovered that they had a role in this ‘new life’ process. There and then, there was a shift of power. Men realized they were the key to that secret…….Now I realize where the phrase, “the men think with their BALLS!”

came from.
So here’s the deal! Now with this shift in power, men started to come up with exclusivity, and that these men were responsible for removing women from their groups. Women had to give in, because they wanted to keep the race growing and moving. They had no choice if they wanted the human race to survive.

Here’s another catch into this survival thing. Men, because of their physique, were considered protectors and providers. But when there were no more lions, tigers and bears, their main focus now was to keep on having that dominance and superiority over the women. These ways of thinking were their comfort zones, and thus preventing their women from having higher level needs. Needs such as purpose, meaning and status in life.

Now let me bring you to our own culture before the Spaniards came. Pigafetta, the historian who came with Magellan, wrote in his journals, that the women (Cebuanas, although they weren’t called that yet) were on equal footing with men. They had their own cliques and own tribal system of government. The women had a say in everything to the point that when Magellan invited Humabon to be a Christian, Inday Juana wanted to be part of the deal too…She was not invited to participate, but she insisted to be part of the pact. And poor husband couldn't say, "for men only ni, inday!"..He had no choice but to succumb to his wife's wishes even if she was the only female ruler...So, poor unsuspecting girl, didn’t know what she got herself into. Embracing the culture where women were considered second class citizens, and putting her own life into submission, was a total mistake..……. but then you know the rest of history…

Moreover, fast forward many years later when we were bombarded with fairy tale stories about Prince Charming saving the helpless princess from the wicked stepmother, or from the evil witch that put you to sleep forever. Or have you heard about that dwarf stealing your baby unless you knew his name,just so you could keep your prince? Did you know that was one way to brain wash us into thinking that we owe our happiness to men who save us?! Yeah! Right!

But the fact is, THERE IS NO HAPPILY EVER AFTER, and we didn’t really need to be saved.

The reality is that after the saving---what next? Here's the real score. straight from them:

Snow White has to do more laundry now that the seven dwarfs are old and has no pension. She owes it to them for leading the prince. As for the prince, Snow White doesn’t know he has his own little princestress stashed away because Snow White is too busy washing clothes.

As for Cinderella, well Prince is always out of town, conquering kingdoms leaving Cinderella at home talking with her rats, horses and birds. She’s always bored.

Beauty just stopped her Botox treatment since the Beast lost in the stock market a few weeks ago. Now Beatuy looks so much like the Beast. For real!

So…what am I saying. Don’t put your hopes on your man to give you that happiness you think you deserve….but then, I don’t know your man. (Frankly, I think they’re all the same--they just have different names to tell them apart)…but then again,…..you fill in your own ending…

But as for me and my house…..I’m just rock n rollin’

Here’s something I think you women would enjoy and maybe think about…..

FOR WOMEN ONLY:

1. I have three sons and I know that sooner or later they will get married (my eldest is already married) and I often tell them this advise: “Your wife is always Right, unless your mother SAYS SO!”

2. If you have nothing nice to say, CALL ME. A good gossip won’t hurt a counseling ear.

3. Your husband need not know everything. Keep some amount stashed up for rainy days. That way he will think that you are a good budgeter. Otherwise if he knows about all the money you have, he might also plan on it.

4. Do not console a whiny kid or husband. Whine with them and let them see their reactions through you. Mirroring their actions will help them realize how ridiculous they look

5. Never contradict your husband. Just do what you have to do.

“ Making a damned fool of yourself is absolutely essential.So whatever you want to do just do it. Don’t be stifled by the fear of a good mistake.” Gloria Steinem

6. If you’re married to superman, why compete with him? Lilly Tomlin says, that for fast acting relief, slow down.

7. If you’re married to Juan Tamad, then don’t feed him There’s a saying, he who does not work, does not eat.

8. If you feel or think that you don’t fit in, it’s not you, it’s the culture you’re in.

9. Jane Fonda said when making a choice,they can do one of two things. It’s either to shut up (which many married ‘submissive’ women think its safer) or learn an awful lot very fast and stand up for yourself.

10. When someone labels you, don’t get stuck with it.

11. When you’re trying to woo a guy, act dumb. And when you marry him, boy! Don’t act anymore, chances are you are dumb for marrying him.

12. Nowadays, never judge the book by its cover, only the checkbook, you judge!

13. If you have to say no to having sex with your husband, come up with a more creative excuse. Having a headache and being sleepy are passe. here’s a hint: in a sexy voice tell him you’re going to take a shower and make yourself very presentable….(bring a book to the bathroom)…then stay in the bathroom for as long as you can until he falls asleep…then the next day, you can blame him for not waiting for you …sounds good?!

Okay, enough already…..I just feel like I want to ride on my broomstick….it’s the witching hour…if you know what I mean….'Adlaw man gud sa inatay.'