Visita Pariente

Sitting on my bed reminsicing about the 'tropical' christmas back home, I can not help but smile at how people spend their holidays so differently.


Many of my friends (especially tagalog ones) spend it with noche buena, simbang gabi, decorations and whatever makes them look busy. I like that proverbial saying, "you buy things you don't need, with money you don't have, to impress people you don't like" The holidays have become so commercialized that it has lost the essence of the meaning of the season.


I am not one to do any of those traditions mentioned because for me, Christmas day is the event and anything before that were just normal days. Sure, we had decorations and food fare, but my mom didn't stress herself out if she didn't feel like. And for us, it was really no big deal.

Christmas day in Cebu was dressing up to visit all my relatives. Something like visita iglesia, only this was 'visita pariente'. Normally, my cousins and I would all ride a combi, then start with relatives nearest the compound. All of us knew what our gifts were, we just didn't know the value. Not one to stress out, all my aunts and uncles have imparted on themselves to give us cash gifts. Even as we grew older and got married, most of my relatives still gave cash gifts. That way, we could buy ourselves with what we needed or wanted. Unless you made your material request known to a relative who can afford, then that's a different story.


By noon, we would converge in my grandma's house for the family gathering. As we were already stuffed from eating whatever was offered us during our visits, we would just then count our stash. Planning what to do with our collections was fun. And if that was not enough, our grandparents would add to our stash only if we did a presentation, which we readily obliged. Usually our plays had plots with gangsters kidnaping a rich guy and a flirty lady'. Then, they would be rescued by good guys. Eventually, a gun fight would ensue ending in death for all the actors in the play..And I mean everyone. I guess we all agreed that nobody was to be a hero of some sort, since we all wanted to be heroes. So to even it out, we all died in the play.


We probably did a thousand plays in our family gatherings. Although different settings and scenarios, we always had the same plot. I always got the role of flirty lady...ALWAYS!..And my other cousins always had the same roles...ALWAYS ! I guess it was the dialogue that made it more interesting. We had a knack of making dialogues seem crazy.

Lolo Banong was an uncle who was considered the 'Santa Claus' of the compound. He was a huge stocky man with a heart of gold. I got my namesake from him and even when I was growing up, I always felt as the favored 'niece'. I always had the higher stash than the rest of my cousins when it came to him.

Every christmas morning, Lolo Banong would gather the less priviledged around the neighborhood and have them line up on his driveway. Children in tattered clothes, snot dripping from their noses and some smelling of dried fish would eagerly come. Even mothers carrying small babbies would join the group. Then Lolo Banong would give each one a coin and see the smile on their faces. I remember him giving out 25 centavos , but then it became more as inflation crept in. Before he died, more than twenty years ago, he was already giving those huge silver peso coins.

Fast forward several years later, old traditions are replaced by our very own. Relatives have relocated, some got married and spend the holidays with their own respective families. But thanks to technology, the closeness of a family can still be felt even with thousands of miles apart. With webcams, cell phones and even iphones/blackberries, we can witness the happy smiles from families opening balikbayan boxes filled with gifts, to toasting our glasses and sharing our holiday recipes. As we always say, "I'm just a phone call away!"

Usually, preparations like card giving or gift shopping would be done when the 'ber' months come into place. By the time December steps in, I'm usually done. I have taken the stance which my mother took of not stressing myself. That's because I want to enjoy the Holiday and not be bothered by too many things. Except for my grandchildren who I dote with buying gifts, my niece and nephews get the old tradition of cash gifts.

Not one to dress with holiday trimmings, the only thing I stress myself is the menu I cook. Thats the enjoyment that I don't want to miss. Preparation is key to having fun. And by the time guests arrive, all I do is take out food from the oven and the fridge, lay them out on the buffet and its set. In America, everyone helps himself with fancy paper plates to replace those chinas and plastic wine glasses in lieu of glass goblets.

This christmas, we let my grandchildren do the broadway "Annie" before giving them their presents. But the video I took was that of my daughter in law and my son coaching my grandchildren. The sight of my son pirouetting with arms doing a MacDonald and my daughter in law's facial expression con gusto was really comical.

Christmas is really a time for children. In a few years, my grandchildren will be one of those that will recieve cash instead of something material. In this day and age, you can never be too sure what they really want. Technology has to blame for that. PS3's, wii's, laptops, latest gadget cellphones or whatever is the 'in' thing is better than a scarf, perfume or a dress.

Come to think of it, I wonder what Jesus got on his 10th birthday?

Lenguas de Pilipit

One of the first things we learn as children is to speak the language of our birth. For me, it was the visayan language with its melodious intonations but spoken with a hard tongue. Then our parents with their western mentality starts speaking to us in a foreign language known as “English” and we were stuck for life.


In school, English was the spoken language, but at home, it would be visayan for the benefit of the maids. Until the maids learned how to speak broken English, then our pronounciation got screwed up. We were also exposed to Spanish speaking relatives, and eventually learned some words ourselves. My grandfather being a pure Spaniard (kuno), would sometimes speak with the other elders in Spanish so we, as children wouldn’t understand, but eventually we did. As we became parents ourselves, we would speak Spanish if we didn’t want the children to know what we were talking about. That’s when spelling the words weren’t as effective anymore and the children learned how to read.


Moreover, when I got married to an FBI (foreign born illonggo), I was exposed to Illonggos. They had a more melodious intonation and sometimes, when the men spoke, you’d think they were flirting or gay. Recently, my daughter and her husband relocated in Bacolod and so did my sons. So now we all speak a mixture of English, visayan and Illonggo.


Although we lived in Manila when I was young, and pilipino was a must in our school curriculum, I never really got the hang of speaking tagalog. In Cebu during my married life, all my best friends were tagalogs, but I can assure you that when I spoke tagalog, it sounded Chinese.


Lately, I have been learning how to speak Korean since I got hooked up in a soap opera a few months ago. Before I go to bed, I surf the channels for a nice show and what struck me was this Korean show. It had a present day setting and had subtitles for me to read. My initial reaction from watching the first episode was very perplexing. A couple was having a verbal fight but their actions and faces were contrary to what I was reading. The woman was insulting yet smiling but not in a sarcastic way. In another scene a man in black suit was carrying ,piggy back style, a woman who was in a gown and high heels. You would think this would happen in the countryside, but the setting was in the city of Seoul, Korea. But what intrigued me most was the way Koreans prepared food. So many side dishes in small platitos. Very feastlike.


Another language that we are familiar with and speak a few words of is Chinese. Mandarin or fookien, it doesn’t matter since most of the words learned were from high school days--these were mostly curses and numbers.


If you think my tagalog sounds like Chinese, wait till you hear the Chinese talk american. I once stayed with a Chinese family here in america and they were so nice and fun to be with. One day my friend (let’s call her Joan) was visiting her 80 year old mother. The old woman was complaining about her eyesight but she was speaking in Chinese. Joan, sensing that speaking a foreign dialect in front of a guest was rude , commented to her mother in English, “but mama, your eyeglasses are as big as vernacular.”


Then I asked her, “what do you mean, Joan?”
“you know the one that looked like a telescope.” she said.
“Oh, you mean binoculars." I interjected then corrected her " Just to let you know, Joan, that binocular and vernacular are two different words.”
Then we both started laughing while she continued repeating her mistake.


At one time, Joan’s brother (let’s call him Ben) and Mike went to a book store. Ben proceeded to ask for help. “Do you hab koots”, he said in his very bisaya tone.
“I’m sorry sir, you’re in the wrong store. We don’t sell coats here.” noted the sales lady.
“No, no..ets a book wid mini see-ings.” The sales girl squinted and looked at Ben analyzing what he just said. Then as if she realized what was said exclaimed, “Ohhhhh! You mean QUOTES! Right at the back of the store beside the philosophy books.” she commented. With that, she pivoted leading him towards the rear side of the store..
Then as if whispering to Mike, Ben commented,”Bida, ining glis na to, di pa siya kasabot. BUGO gyud!”
(My goodness, that was already spoken in English yet she didn’t understand. How stupid)

I remember my mother relating to us an experience she had while travelling Europe. She and my aunt went into a restaurant and when they looked at the menu, they didn't understand any of the food offered as it was written in the native tongue (I forget what country it was). And the waiters didn't even speak a word of english. So when my mother would point something out in the menu, the waiter would act it out. If it was chicken, he would fold his elbows and flap it accompanied by a sound, "cluck, cluck, cluck". Then if it was beef, the waiter would go "moo,moo!" and for the pig, he would snort. That was how they understood each other.

Even babies as young as a year old or less learn to communicate in their own language.
"Milk" could mean having your fingers open and closing rapidly. Or when my eight month old is done with his dinner, he would brush his hands to and fro as if saying "all done!" Or when he is hungry, he would point to his mouth.

It doesn't really matter what language you speak. All that matters is for your message to be relayed and understood. Oh well!

Monkey See, Monkey Do

In our family parties in America, there is a standing commandment, “Thou shalt not talk about politics or religion.” That's because most of us are highly opinionated and hate to lose an argument, regardless! Ha!ha!ha!

At a recent Republican presidential debate, the candidates were asked about a ‘what would Jesus do?” question. Most of the candidates felt uneasy with their replies, except for PC Gov.Mike Huckabee who said, “Jesus would be too smart to join politics!” Well said!

Religion and politics are the two most controversial issues we face today. Certain oxymoronic circumstances might be considered legal, but not necessarily moral. “It’s your word against mine,” is often used as the basis of many an evidence. But then the question of character is tested for authenticity. The moral fiber of american politics is important in keeping office...until one gets caught and then one's career is over.

A few months ago, New Jersey Governor McGreevy resigned after he declared himself gay. It was either that or face a billion lawsuit of harrasment from his paramour. Senator Larry Craig of Idaho recently resigned after he was booked on misdemeanor charges (like soliciting sex) in an airport restroom. The Clinton-Lewinsky case was such a huge scandal many years ago. Don’t they ever learn that men think with their balls? When it’s loaded, it just has to be relieved, otherwise, the balance between the brains and balls would be like a pendulum hitting one on the other.

On the other hand, some preachers, priests and religious leaders, are often caught with their ‘pants down’, to the dismay of their flock. However, forgiveness by the flock is often crucial. After all, didn’t the bible say to forgive seventy times seven? So hey! They still have 489 chances to go.

The 300 years rule by the Spaniards in the Philippines is significant in molding the moral fiber of the Filipinos. Its early colonization brought with them the culture and practice which easily assimilated into the system. Hearing about the good fortune in the East, many Spaniards traveled thousands of miles to seek their own fortunes at the expense of the island inhabitants. Moreover, because of its geographical location, the Philippines was considered an Alcatraz, where thieves, corrupt officials, murderers and other criminals from Spain were ostracized to serve their sentences in the Philippines.

The first mention of the Philippines to the U.S. was in 1786 when the Continental Congress meeting in Philadelphia was urging Spain to grant American trading privilege in Manila. Burdilla, the first american businessman to trade in the Philippines, kept a diary about his travels. In his observation he wrote,”There exists among them a want of moral discrimination. This is no country for an honest man.”

Spanish rule in the Philippines was heirarchical, discriminatory and corrupt.

Only Spaniards were allowed to govern and rule . Discriminatory in the sense that the inhabitants were called ’indios’. Spaniards born outside of the archipelago but had tainted indio blood were called peninsulares. Spaniards born in the Philippines were called insulares. Mestizos were considered a mixture of indio and Spanish or with any other race including the Chinese.

Most indios were prevented from learning anything except to be servile of the Spaniards. During the 18th century, the moneyed indios paved their way to gain education and status in a hispanic dominated culture. They were called the “Illustradores”. I would presume that the term "it's not what you know, but also who you know" became prevalent in this corrupted culture. The indios/illustradores paved their way to be recognized as equals by greasing the pockets of any Spaniard in command.

It was the Ilustradores who coined the term ‘Filipinos’. Among them was Jose Rizal, and my very own maternal great grandfather whose name is honored by a street in Cebu famous historically as D. Jakosalem

When many a Filipino could no longer stand the atrocities committed to them by the Spaniards, several underground movements flourished. Aguinaldo’s group was one of those that succeeded in creating loud noises against Spain. Eventually he was exiled to Hongkong after the Spaniards paid him P400,000.00 (a hefty amount) to keep his mouth shut. No wonder every politician has his price.

Sources say, Aguinaldo kept the principal intact while spending the interest on his troops and staff. He waited for the right time to buy arms and consequently plan the overthrow of the Spanish rule. Consequently he found an arms dealer in the U.S.,who swindled him of more than a hundred thousand dollars worth of arms and ammunition. But his luck didn’t turn out for the worst. When the Spanish war ended, the Americans bought the Philippines for 2 million dollars. (another money exchange for land which wasn’t theirs in the first place)

The moral fiber of the Filipinos were unraveled during the Japanese Occupation when they had to cheat and rob in order to survive. In 1947 an inquiry by the U.S. government was made regarding a $300 million worth of assets given to the Philippine government in terms of military surplus vehicles, machinery, garments and other items which were stolen. A senator during that time (Jose Avelino) amassed about 300 thousand dollars from selling the loot to Chinese fences. In other cases, crop loans worth millions of pesos went into the pockets of landowners and officials. The New York times who did investigation on this found “no tenants and no crops, and the money could not be recovered.”

So what else is new in the Philippines? With 300 years of ironic religion by Spain and 50 years of Hollywood by America, the Filipino people indeed live a messed up life of principles. A land inherited through blood and violence , then professing Christian love and sacrifice, cannot be legal to the people it once belonged to. But who are the original owners or where are their descendants? Lost in the graves along with Lapu-lapu.

But inspite of all these adversities happening, I am still hoping for a miracle. After all, we can only hope for the best and prepare for the worst. As a cebuano and having the blood of Lapu-lapu, a silent passion is burning within me, waiting, analyzing, strategizing for that moment when I can make a significance. Not necessarily in a huge magnanimous way, nor a political way, (God forbid,but I don't like politics), but in my own humble way. Where my only witness is my God that would say, "Well done, good and faithful servant!"

Just recently, a clown was given a ‘time-out’ by its peers and placed in a cage indefinitely. A midget was seen unlocking the door of the cage, freeing the smiling clown out of his cage. We can only assume that something was traded for the clown's release. This is a scenario quite obvious in a circus. Actually, this is Philippine politics 2007.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."

by Edmund Burke (Irish Political Philosopher)

My CEOis a Three Year old

Coming to America was really my idea. Mike,my husband never wanted to live anywhere outside the Philippines .But after our silver wedding anniversary, several years ago, Mike decided to relinquish his role for my desires.

The opportunity came when I had befriended an American businessman who was part of the team of Americans coming to our country for mission trips. Every year, we held medical missions in Boracay , Baguio, Dumaguete, Leyte and other remote areas that needed medical care. We also did much evangelizing . It was during these times that Richard F. became close to me and offered me a job to work in one of his business interests in the Midwest.

The decision to try another scenery came when the furniture industry, where we belonged for a couple of years started to get shaky. This was after the 911 incident, when many buyers were on the sidelines and the manufacturers where hit with high overhead rates and dwindling export sales.

So, there I was in Ohio, having a desk job complete with my own computer and phone, rubbing shoulders with management. When many executives had initials after their last names like CEO. AVP or DIR, my title was FOD (friend of director). I was really in the grind, waking up at 5 in the morning to prepare myself, then carpool at 6 a.m. to be at the office by 7. The hour ride to the office was a scenery of miles and miles of cornfields, cows, silos and small towns. By 3 pm, we would leave back for home, prepare dinner, do chores then early to bed for that familiar mundane cycle to commence the next day.

The job offered to me was ideal for a contemplative transition after the roller coaster experiences of the export business in Cebu. It entailed a routine, with minimal stress and an easy workload, which offered a sense of relief. But after awhile, I sensed a non-challenging life which needed to be revitalized. As I say, it’s either my attitude or I’m in the wrong job. I chose the latter.

We decided to move to the “big apple” since my son and his family would be migrating in a couple of months.

Getting a job in the big apple is so much easier than finding one in the Midwest, so much so that after 5 weeks of tedious search and constant kneeling to my God, my ordeal was over and my prayer was answered.

My job would take me only 15 minutes walk max from where I live. So sparing the cost in commuting and the much needed exercise was a plus factor in choosing this over the others. Moreover, my job gives me rent free accommodations , tax free payments and stress free environments. The ideal job that not so many are cut to be but has tremendous advantages and influence you can imagine

My boss is short, blonde and the best looking guy I ever saw for his age. He does have a temper and screams to the highest of decibels when he gets impatient. And even if he gives me shit, I clean up after him. But I don’t mind because he allows me to give him secret kisses and I melt when he looks at me with his deep blue eyes. We go for short walks and hold hands at the park. We have lunch breaks and snacks together. And best of all, no intrigues and gossips mill around with this kind of displayed affection. After all, my boss is 20 months old and I’m his nanny.

Nannies or ‘yayas’ as called in the Philippines carries with it a stigma because they are considered uneducated and poor. But not so in America where there is dignity in labor.

When my agency called me and offered me a job as a nanny, I hesitated at first, but then I decided to take the challenge. I have heard rumors of being nannies to stars, millionaires and diplomats in the big apple, and they were having fun. So I wanted to have some fun, too. And to this day, on my second year as a nanny I have never regretted it a bit. Although I started as a nanny, today, I am considered an adopted part of the family.

This is one job that I know will have to cease when the kids get older. Yet deep in my heart this is the one that had the deepest relational experience of all. Because for me, all the other jobs I had are no different than what I have now. Yet this one has given me more insight and inspiration.

My very first book “My CEO is a three year old”, is a job memoir that relates to experiences from my previous jobs with what I have now. I am editing it at the moment and hope to have it publish soon.

Anyway, let me end with the reply to a question given to our own Philippine candidate Ms. Precious Lara Quigman that won her the Miss International title in 2005.

Q: What do you say to the people of the world who have typecasted Filipinos as nannies?

Lara: “I take no offence on being typecasted as a nanny. But I do take offence that the educated people of the world have somehow denigrated the true sense and meaning of what a nanny is. Let me tell you what she is. She is someone who gives more than she takes. She is someone you trust to look after the very people most precious to you --your child, the elderly, yourself. She is the one who has made a living out of caring and loving other people.So to those who have typecasted us as nannies, thank you. It is a testament to the loving and caring culture of the Filipino people.. And for that, I am forever proud and grateful of my roots and culture.