Somewhere near the wharf in Brooklyn, the air is breezy and I am lying down on a piece of cement slab under a tree that shades me from the warm afternoon sun. I let my thoughts carry me where it wants me to go and as I look up at the swaying leaves I am reminded of Buddha that saw enlightenment under a Bodhi tree. But I don't want to talk about the four noble truths or about suffering which is what the Buddhist philosophy is all about. But it's more of the three kinds of friends I have when I am faced with a suffering of my own.
The philosophical jargon in which the suffering you experience in you is not you confuses me just as the saying, you are not your problem. So I try to simplify the scenario when I put myself in the seat as a counselor listening to the problematic one with whom I may have similar issues at hand. There and then will I be able to distinguish the conflicted one separated to the experiencing the conflict. It is a spiritual awakening in the battlefield of one's lives which reveal what the real crisis is at hand.
But how do I identify the havoc playing inside of me, battling themselves with each other wanting to be heard. For these I call my super friends, the A-VAN-GIRLS (I conned the name since the superhero flick is popular) Anyway, we all have roles for each of our bff's and it is easy to call them, just like when we need doctors for particular ailments.
First friend is who I shall call as 'pretty preachy' because she has all the answers to every query and is judgmental to every action resulting from karma or the sower-seed principle, which is her primary defense. It may be good at times, especially when we are ready to accept annihilation to our person which will chop us up and reveal within us our very own mistaken identity of ourselves. If we are ready for that, then she is the friend to call for.
Then there is the 'nodding nadia' friend that just goes with the flow. She will nod her head and confirm with whatever you say, even when she knows you are wrong. Yet because she doesn't like to add more hurt by saying anything, she affirms your belief. After all, everything is relative, and it is your present experience that is important. She is the type that says, “you're not alone.” I am with you every step of the way. Even if you know that your decisions can be downright silly, irresponsible and downright imbecilic, she wouldn't care, after all it's my decision that counts not hers.
Then finally there is that 'quiet queen'; One who just listens and holds your hand. Not saying anything, not being judgmental yet having a one sentence opinion when asked. She is that type that let's you be with your emotions because she knows that every single conflict being aired out is just but a peel of
hardened sentiments. And as this is uncovered, soon the real issue will reveal itself, and at the end of every uncovered peel lies the true self which we often fail and that which we call inner peace.
And as I remember my friends, a tear falls from my cheeks. How empty life would be without such friends. I once read somewhere that peace is hiding somewhere inside the folds of our inner conflicts. And if one is a facilitator of peace, then that person should listen without being judgmental. Because not listening is a form of subtle violence which signals an expression of outer aggression.
The act of listening with total receptivity and attention is the greatest gift we can offer anyone and ourselves: to fully listen to another person. After all , Listening is a revolutionary act of peace. Do you have such friends?
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