Law and Order: Bisaya Version

Law and Order is one of my favorite t.v.programs. There’s the S.V.U. (special victims unit), C.I. (Criminal Intent) or the regular episodes. Normally, it starts with a crime scene, an investigation and then the court case. Within the scenes, they give you twists and turns which eventually will either lead to a conviction or an acquittal.

Our family lawyer, Atty. Veloso, often told me that I should have had been a lawyer instead of an accountant because of my inquisitive mind. When there were disputes, I would ask numerous questions, and sometimes make my own comments. And those who know me very well, know for a fact that I did some investigative work a few years back to settle some perturbing issues.

Nevertheless, my first experience to a court hearing was a rape case of a man called “the lone ranger”. The cross examination was funny and somewhat disturbing because of the way the defense lawyer battered the victim.

In later years when my office was within the vicinity of the capitol building, where they handled court cases, I would slip from my desk and spend an hour in many a judge‘s sala. Sometimes, I would find it hilarious that lawyers would dress in their ‘Americana’ suit in the tropical heat. Or that the lingo used in every hearing is English, which many a tongue would ran amock with the visayan accent.

Poor guy, (either a vicitm, a witness or the suspect) whose vocabulary is limited to his dialect and becomes a player in the court scene, will have to rely on interpreters. Such as this:

Questioning Attorney: What took you so long
Interpreter: Unsay gidugayan kuno nimo?
Witness: Nag lakaw lakaw ko ug hinay, kay sa akong huna huna, ang adlaw hapon na.
Interpreter: I two by two walk slow because I think the sun is Japanese.:

Okay, so not all interpreters are bad. Even the suspects themselves are to blame for their incarcerations.
In this case

Questioning Attorney Can you describe your rapist?
Victim: Yes, sir
Question: Okay, describe him
Victim (without looking at the suspect) : plat nose, bad smell, big ears, plenty rice on face (bugason), short, bery dark like agta,

Suspect looking down but in an audible voice so everyone could hear:; sigue gyud, pang insulta pa.

Or have you ever seen that scenario, wherein the suspect stands up and screams at his acuser? Well this one is calm and composed but one for the books:

Questioning Attorney: Did you see your attacker?
Victim: No Sir,
Questioning Attorney: Can you describe him, even if you didn’t see him
Victim: Yes, Sir.
Questioning Attorne: Okay, describe him.
Victim: Basta sir, small man to iyaha sir!

Suspect (looking directly at the victim) Saba diha oy, nganong ni shagit lagi ka? Toink!


Mike often blame me for being an ‘abogado’ to everyone even if it’s not called for. Whether it’s my kids, friends or myself, I can’t help it. I answer, when I’m not asked, I interrupt at conversations when I’m not included or I asked questions when its not my place to do so. Nevertheless, it’s just me, it’s just my pagka AMAW! (Abtik Murag Abogadong Wais)

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