35 plus 5

The smart thing that my hubby every did was to get married on his birthday.  That way, it would be impossible for him to forget our anniversary which happens to be today as well.  A few days ago, our friends have started greeting us with an inquiry of how long have we been together.  I always say, 35 years in paper, plus 5 year before that.  So in layman’s terms---pretty darn long.

So what is the secret of our staying together? Let me count some ways (for now--list might get longer if we’re still together...hahaha)

1. Have a good fight! Let’s face it, any marriage that has not had an argument is a boring one.  It’s because they have that notion that when people marry, they become ONE, but i ask, which ONE?  Have you heard that saying that in every marriage, there is always one who is right and the other one is a husband.  Oh well!!!
2. Hubby and I do argue A LOT, and contrary to many psychology books, we label each other.  I know it’s not the norm, but we get a kick out of it. He calls me the ‘Denial Queen’ or the ‘Drama Queen’  and I call him Peter Pan Pappy or sometimes the Prophet of Doom, that’s because he makes predictions on current events regarding Global issues while the only current event I know is what happens in the neighborhood.
3. And most important, we give each other lots of  space .  LIke the quote that says, “We need to give each other the space to grow, to be ourselves, to exercise our diversity. We need to give each other space so that we may both give and receive such beautiful things as ideas, openness, dignity, joy, healing, and inclusion. “

When we joined facebook years ago, we had several status on our profiles.  First, we had an open relationship, because initially I didn’t know what it meant until it caused a stir among our friends. I thought being open in a relationship meant a lot of honesty and trust, until I found out it was promiscuity which was way far from my vocabulary.  So we  changed it to ‘it’s complicated’, because half of the time I was in New Jersey while hubby stays in New York.  The complicated status became  controversial as well.  So now we just had to be content with being ‘married’.

Marriage has a lot of meaning to many people.  But to us, it is a commitment.  In many of our drama moments and in the heat of debates, I’d often blurt out, “If you can’t take my sh*t anymore, you can just walk out the door,”  and often his replies are so predictable he’d say, “What?! and make you the hero of your drama?  Never! I’ll never leave you!”  ----Isn’t that romantic, or what!!!!!

In other relationships, marriage could also just be a legal way to have sex.  In our case,  we have evolved, we just do oral sex.  We just talk about it.   In the heat of our bickerings and squables we yelp out  into  ‘F.U.s’  which is normally the climax of our oral sex.  And they say, that as you grow older, people just tend to have ‘anal sex’ - they just analyze what it is for. But we’re not there yet.

Oh well!  but whatever it is, I am thankful for the partner I have.  He may not be perfect, but he is a hopeless romantic and I am----well, I am who I am, I take everything with a grain of salt and find humor in every situation, after all, isn’t life just a big joke and we are jesters.

And to my hubby, cheers to those years.  The first 5 was the appetizer, these 35 years was the entree, let’s start having the dessert, oh but wait, did we have our veggies yet?t!!!! Happy birthday and Happy anniversary!  Even if we don’t agree at times, it’s still  l doobidoobidoo  labs you---hey! isn’t that a movie?

Eve is peeved, or is she?

 Yesterday I almost strangled my husband.  Well, how would you like it when you're invited  to hang out at a bar to listen to a friend who was playing that night and you came unprepared?  Normally, it would be a casual affair,  so I thought it was one of those regular nights that you just came as you are.

The bar/resto facade looked like a local pub,  but the moment I entered the place, the men were in suits and the women were in cocktail dresses busily chatting and having their gourmet dinner.  The receptionist asked us if we had dinner reservations and when we said no, she said there was an hour and a half wait if we wanted to be seated at a regular table.  My reaction was to leave, but hubby wanted to stay to support the singer whom he met months ago.

Although we couldn’t get a regular space, there was a high bar table kind that was available and that was were we stayed.  I had to carefully select my order since we weren’t prepared to spend so much.  Imagine ordering a 20 dollar  glass of wine which I could have just bought a bottle with that price and enjoyed it at home, or at  25 dollars for 6 pcs of oysters was too much,  but hubby was bent on having a good time and that was just that. To top it all, I was like a maid in Manhattan with black skorts and linen blouse with black flip flops that had seen better beaches.  And this was the moment I could have sworn I was having hot flashes and glaring vampire eyes at my hubby.

But as the evening moved on, and with wine in my system I loosened up.  I felt like a New Yorker with the attitude of ‘who cares’!!!  It was still early (around 10ish) when our singer friend was done, and so we hopped into another bar to listen to more sounds.  The Rockwell is famous for many a musicians gigs and an affordable place to enjoy good music.  After three bands and past midnight, we decided to grab something cheap to eat nearby.

A newly opened Japanese resto had a sign outside ‘ $1 dollar fresh oysters’.  It’s modern ambience was very inviting, but had no patrons.  We scrutinized the menu and found it affordable.  The first resto we went to that evening was so very different from this one, wherein  the earlier resto’s front of the house had too many service personnel. But this Japanese joint had only one asian guy  that served as the receptionist, waiter, somalier, coat checker, maitre d and busboy all rolled into one.  I don’t know if it was the time of night (or morning)...but I did enjoy my meal of fried soft shell crab salad--and hubby gorged on more oysters in retribution for those expensive oysters we had earlier.

Heading back home, the train we were suppose to take was off service.  Since it was such a beautiful evening for a walk, we did just that until we reached Union Square for another train back home.  It was a good 40 minutes on the subway train until we reached our destination, and as we walked to the apartment, a Mexican food truck was parked nearby and we had some tacos for  snacks.  Amazingly delicious especially when it is authentically made by a Mexican.

And as I recalled the evening’s happenings, a smile just came unto my lips.  At the onset, I could have choked, nagged or berated hubby for making me look inconsequential.  But then he’d probably blurt back and say, “what’s the fuzz!!! chill out!”  And if it happens to you, he’s right, “don’t sweat the small stuff! Otherwise it will grow and at our age, we don’t want anything growing to sweat it out!”... smile!!!!

Happy Virgin

In the Carribean there’s a drink called “Happy Virgin” and in this time and age, what kind of virgin is a happy one? But nevertheless, if you’re in the carribean without a date and no one to entertain you, might as well get yourself a happy drink...so here’s the recipe from the book, “Don’t drink the water” : Bartending in the Carribean.

Happy Virgin

1 1/2 oz. Kahlua 1 1/2 oz. Bailey’s Irish Creme Liquore
spalsh of rum 3 oz. pineapple juice
rocks glass

Fill rock glass with ice. Stir in all ingredients. Enjoy

Beer Class

Did you know that a beer a day keeps alzheimer’s away? That’s according to a 2005 study that moderate drinking (one bottle a day of beer) lowers the risk of mental decline by up to 20 percent compared to the non-drinkers. In addition, more women who downed one drink a day scored more than those 18 months “younger” on tests of mental skills  compared to  non drinkers.

I would have wanted  to have that kind of answer last week when I attended a “Beer Class” at the Bartenders Association.  Allan, our teacher, gave us the history, process of brewing beer and the different kinds as well.  Because of his extensive technical experience on beer, (he was the CEO for  that famous brewery above EATALY- a famous Italian establishment owned by famous chefs, Mario Bataly and Lidia Bastianich in Manhattan)  - he was able to distinguish different kinds of beers he had tasted from all over the world.  Presently there are 5,000 different kinds of beers in America alone.  Home made breweries from different localities, have been sprouting and have reached many a store’s shelves across the U.S. aside from those overseas.

Beer, like wine, has many advantages and it’s not just a second rate anaesthesia, but rather there are medicinal purposes. Dr. Oz , in his show, said that you can have a beer bath to treat psoriasis or similar skin problems.  Just add 2 cups of beer to a warm bath to have that healthier skin.

Also it is a cure for many diseases like cancer, avoids kidney stones, and reduces the risk of heart disease.  Moreover, those who drank beer had 30% more vitamin B6 than the non-drinkers.

If a sommelier is for wines, a cicerone is for beer.  There are three levels in beer connoseiur before one becomes a real expert  .  Initially, one first becomes certified as a beer server, which then leads to another certification into being a cicerone.  Finally one becomes only a master cicerone when one has fully complied with all the requirements of a full pledged beer expert.  From brewing, storage, process, tasting, pairing, including   sales and services among those that one needs to learn.  Although this educational process is fairly new since it was established in 2008, there are only about 10,00 cicerones in the U.S. 

And the saying about "wine before beer is queer, but beer before wine is fine" is totally a myth.  I am presuming whoever said that worked for a beer company thinking  you would be  too drunk to consume wine after downing several beers. Thus beer would up sales....smart but not really since it has been paired with higher spirits!

As a matter of fact below are some popular beer cocktails...

Beer Buster Sake Bomb

glass of beer half a glass of beer

1 1/2 oz. vodka 1 oz. sake 

2 dashes Tabasco Sauce drop the shot of sake

Stir gently into the half glass of beer   then drink

I am Woman!

“Nothing Shocks me anymore”, is a typical phrase we hear nowadays.  The world is getting more crazy  because then the ultimate question of why people go bonkers  is, “where’s it coming from”?  And this is the reason why I’m writing this piece.

Last weekend, I was at an all-women’s group talking about Integrity, Sensuality,  Self love expressed at it’s best, which to my mind probably is kinda cool.  And i found a different perspective unlike some of the previous all women group I had encountered during my early years.

The first guest speaker was Jessica Delfino, a stand up musical comedian who rendered a song with her  ukelele  about wanting a ‘man slave’.  It was hilarious and was an ice breaker for the topic that evening.  Her brief bio about being a funny lady was accidental, but chosing her passion instead of her parents expectations was indeed fulfilling.

Our main speaker, Melody Kiersz was candid in her discussion on sensual matters particularly about integrity and authenticity.  Metaphorically, women wear as many ‘attires’  depending which best holds the mood at every given moment.  Whether it be a mother, daughter, whore, chef...we are all of it and one in it.  But many a times women would put  on some particular safe ‘robe’ only because of many a conditioning brought by controlled upbringing which is often very suppressing.

As the discussion progressed, there were interactions  about  experiences, relationships and even personal opinions .  Many women dress either for validation, acceptance or just wanting the attention.  Others don clothes that allow little left for the imagination causing controversies.  Eventually, it could be offensive to others  but for some, it might be somewhat liberating.

Melody then narrated her weekday incident at a beach, where she went topless . From her point of view, it was the only way to go for an even sun tan.  But not the same for 2 grandmothers with toddlers, who complained such ‘indeceny’ to the cops. Melody knew she did not violate any laws and explained a 1992 N.Y. ruling regarding the bearing of the breast, that since it was all right for men therefore women should not be discriminated to do it as well.  But she had compassion to move and besides, she had had enough tan for the day.

Two hours with 13 women of different culture, interests and experiences and  still wanting to chitchat was not enough time.  However different our upbringings were, or how we perceive life to be, we are still citizens of the world.   And how we fulfill out our existence  is best when we are atuned within ourselves.  And by just knowing who we really are, and not as the world sees us, should be liberating enough.  

And once you have found what it is that makes YOU,  then it is sufficient ground for activating your MOJO....and it is there that the wonderful, sassy, refined and sublime craziness of being a woman begins. And you know what?! you will always say TGIF  (Thank God I’m Female)

CANNABIS CUISINE – How would you like to be a 'stoner chef?'

A few days ago, I posted a picture of government officials in the Philippines burning a huge pile of marijuana plants amidst media people to show what they do with the confiscated goods.  What we don't know is what happens behind the scenes,  and speculations have soared in the internet.

It's not always rolling a joint,  packing a pipe or toking a bowl that  marijuana is being used for.  In ancient times, people ate their cannabis  saving the seeds for food, and using the resinous flowers for medicinal, recreational and spiritual practices. It has been used in Hindu rituals as a cocktail called bhang, and in the ninth century  there was in an Islamic literature of a story about mixing it with coffee.

In the Western world it was an ingredient for pharmaceutical use until the 1800's.  It only became fashionable in the U.S.  until early nineteenth century, when migrating Mexican workers introduced the practice to the Southwest.

Pot  brownies was popularized only in the 1950's where it was considered 'dope desserts' and eaten by some  stoner circles  in order to enhance summer concerts, 3-D sci fi movies, camping trips, or backyard 'potlucks'.   Then a senior citizen named Brownie Mary  gained  respect in 1992 after her third arrest for distributing her famous chocolate medicinals to AIDS patients in San Francisco.  In 1996, California Proposition 215 effectively legalized medical marijuana and  presently there are 17 states, including New Jersey that have done the same thing.

Smoking ganja gives a faster hit , but not many can tolerate smoke,  instead they ingest the stuff.  The new medical marijuana  'edibles' is a recent phenomenon with many 'stoner chefs' entering the field.  This leads  to a new trend in the food industry  called Cannabis Cuisine.  

Safety measures should be implemented when doing stoner cuisine.  Proper measuring of dosage and the intake should be carefully monitored when making or serving treats.  Just keep in mind that everyone's tolerance is different and individuals respond to ingesting cannabis in different ways. Usually ingesting it does not have an immediate effect since it needs to be digested first. So start with a small serving and do not eat any more pot food until after an hour. 

The biggest difference from eating pot and smoking it is in the intensity and type of high that results.  Eating cannabis brings on a more physical sensation which soothes sore muscles, eases pain, aids relaxation and fights insomnia, while providing feelings of warmth and pleasant tingling.

If you've eaten much, you might feel panicky anxious...agoraphobic.  Bear  in mind that it is humanly impossible to fatally overdose on cannabis.  Even if you have eaten a whole birthday cake frosted with cannabis buttercream.  It is estimated that the amount of THC that is required for an overdose would be four million milligrams or about 4 kilos of pure hashish---(from wikkileaks)

Because of  the cannabis being illegal, it has been a venue for corruption,  consumptions abuse  and economic drain. Thus the states that opted for it's legalization by regulating it however paved the way to realizing it's potential not only as a medical cure but as an added income to the locality.

I am not propagating nor condoning the herb and its usefulness, but rather, I am diseminating  information that before assuming anything (and I mean anything)  learn the facts and not rely on hearsay.  The absence of knowledge more often than not, leads to fear which is  the cause of misunderstandings and misconceptions.

It's about time to know more about these things as the world is always evolving and change is  inevitable.  By being aware, we can eventually make rightful conclusions about it.  And I think it's really HIGH TIME !!!! 

As I'm reading this, I'm thinking.....there are more bar fights due to alcohol, than when you smoke pot.  Because, people that are 'high' are more peace loving...don't you think?...let's hear your comments, guys!

Some friends often ask me why the statue of Liberty is green and  I often tell them "because she's stoned?  Get it?"  And if you want to know if she really looks like this now, come to New York and see for yourself.  :)

the book I got from Barnes and Nobles which prompted me to write about this piece.

 So before I end, I would like to copy a recipe from the book: The official HIGH TIMES Cannabis Cookbook written by Elise McDonough.  In her cookbook, she substitutes 'stones' instead of 'servings'.  But this recipe below is just a simple one.

SIMPLE CANNABUTTER

This is an easy, quick way to infuse cannabis into butter on your stove top.  Be sure to use salted butter since it has a higher smoking point, and don't leave your saucepan unattended!  You can make this cannabutter relatively quickly.

Makes ½ cup

½ cup (1 stick) salted butter*

¼ ounce cannabis buds, finely grounded

to make cannamargarine, simply substitute margarins for butter in this recipe

1. Melt butter on low heat in a saucepan.  Add the ground buds, and simmer on low heat for 45 minutes, stirring frequently.

2. Strain the butter into a glass dish with a tight fitting lid.  Push the back of the spoon against the plant matter, and smash it against the strainer to squeeze out every drop of butter available. When you're done, DISCARD the plant matter.

3. Use your cannabutter immediately, or refrigerate of freeze until it is time to use.  You can easily scale this recipe up for larger batches of cannabutter.  1 pound of butter (4sticks) can absorb 1 ounce of cannabis, but you may want to simmer for up to 60 minutes.

You can drizzle the cannabutter over freshly cooked pasta or popcorn for instant satisfaction.  Reserve large batches in the fridge or freezer for use in recipes.

A Wedding to Remember

Many months ago, we were  invited to join a relative's silver wedding anniversary.  Hubby had been requested as a sponsor to grace the event, and he obliged.  It was  casually formal with the entourage donning on coats and tie/or bow.  So it is with much concern that hubby had to look for his attire—and you know him, the cool GQ guy.  

So last Saturday was THE day and we took our time dressing up since we were just a block or two away from the venue.  It's been awhile since I've heard mass, much less attended a wedding in a catholic church.  And I was amazed at what technology has done.  Where once we required live choirs for songs, the priest this time had an i-pad.  With just a touch, he could command the songs and for awhile  I thought he was having his concert since he was multi tasking, singing while doing his rites at the altar.

Then I also noticed by the side of the pews those candles flickering so evenly and systematically, until I found out that they were electronically lighted. Which meant that you didn't need fire, you just pressed a button after you paid your dollar.   In my time (and that was sooooo many  years ago in Cebu), my cousins and I would pay our 25 centavos (good for one candle) but  we'd start lighting as many candles until the priest would catch us and shoo us away....anyway... and the thought occurred to me to be pressing all the buttons.....

The wedding was held at a side room of the San Sebastian Church in queens, where most special services were officiated.  As we entered the place, we were greeted  with melodious chatter of the Illongos  as everyone was getting ready for the service. (the couple hails from Bacolod).   The bride was radiant and gorgeous in her gown while the groom was equally as handsome in his black suit.  And the entourage was as elegant and as charming.  Jessica and friends really did a great job organizing the special day! It had all the trimmings of a traditional wedding ceremony.

During the service, the priest presented  a surprise message from the couple's children. The bride as well as many guests had tears rolling down their cheeks as the experience of not having loved ones on such a memorable occasion was disheartening.  

However, the message by the priest was uplifting, appropriate and hilarious.  Believe me, don't trust a priest who dons a white kinda batman's costume, because you'll never know what he's hiding inside his gown and cape.  The filipino priest talked about many a filipino's  plight of being away from their families in search of the  american dream.  With each explanation, he had props, starting with a scale and some weights, then a bolo, a chopping board and finally the biggest faux diamond I've ever seen.  All that was inside his robe.  And the priest always had a smile on his face.  That I like.  

The reception was at the Sheraton Hotel in Flushing Queens.  The guests were  greeted by a choreographed welcome of the entourage.  There was seating arangments where the Colmenares clan was assigned to  one table with conversations of tracing their roots.  It was indeed a Filipino affair starting with two roasted pigs (lechons) as part of the buffet, there was  dancing to everyone's content, merry making and of course, a lot of picture taking to send back home to the Philippines.

Then another  video presentation  of the couple's life was compiled by their children.  During the whole  time, Jessica had not a dry eye while Bernard sat amazed and grateful for his blessings. The whole night was just amazing.   And my message to the couple:

To Jessica:  Girl, we have something in common, we are married to Colmenares men and after 25 years we know what they're made of....well, sort of...It has never been a smooth ride, sometimes bumpy, sometimes adventurous and even on occassions we are just cruising, right? Well at least for me it was.  But I can assure you whatever journey we will have with our  'COLMENARES'  man, it's worth the ride,  JUST AS LONG AS WE'RE DRIVING.......heheheheh!!!!

and to Bernard:  'TEH, I will wait for my invitation for that golden wedding anniversary you promised sa church, gani... the one you said nga it will either be “in the beach or in the mountain....but definitely it will be in the Philippines.”

'Prana'tic on Veggies

When an opportunity arises to learn something new about food, I am at the forefront of that workshop.  So last Saturday,  I did join an ayurvedic/vegetarian beginners cooking class in downtown Manhattan.

It was a three hour stint,  which started with a welcome drink of ginger orange ade, followed by a discussion on the origin of ayurveda and it's usefulness while demonstrating some recipes.  Then we ended by partaking  a full meal of soup, grains, vegetable entree and an apple berry  dessert.

Divya, our teacher said that food consumption is all about digestion and that balance to healthy eating is key to vigorous living.   The word 'Prana' in sanskrit is synonymous to life.  Where there is life, there is energy and this is the essence of  staying fit.  Each one of us are differently made and therefore, we are the only ones that know what our bodies need.

Yoga and ayurvedic  complement each other , because the former allows you to listen to your body, and the latter  gives what your body dictates.   Wrong intake of food can add toxins into your system causing sickness and inconveniences.  And these erroneous habits come in many forms like too much gas, bloating, mucus and  sometimes just irritations.  Weight gain and fatigue are also causes of improper diets.

Moreover, the three dosha's (energies that circulates in the body) are composed of  the Vata-Pita-Kapha which is the essence of wellness in the body.  Most of us have at least 2 dominant dosha's ---but am not getting into that since it is kind of complicated.  Best left to self study and experiment individually to be fully aware of your own make.  But I did get to learn a lot from this class with not just eating vegetarian,  but knowing which vegetables are favored as against the others.  (Although not a veggie,  mushroom is related to ignorance and has no food value.  It cannot be food for the enlightened soul  Some mushrooms are hallucinogenic! Seems like a good debatable topic.)

 Just so you know, there are three kinds of food:  the Intelligent food, the dumb food and the dead food.

Intelligent food are those that have full of prana (life) and it responds and interacts with the body.  This means that it is easily digested and is absorbed in the body.   It does not block or damage different channels (arteries, lymp vessels, ducts).  It comes mostly from organic, pesticide free origin, moderately cooked with authentic spices in a positive loving environment.

Dumb food consists just like intelligent food but it is in it's left over state (refrigeration is some sort of dumb food).  Also it may be an improper combination of even good intelligent elements, but cooked in a negative environment and consumed with stress.

And finally, dead food is junk food, canned or microwaved.  Any item that contains preservatives or food that is naturally of contradictory elements such as milk and salt, or milk and sour fruits. Dead foods is completely depleted of prana (life).

Although I enjoyed the class tremendously, I still have my reservations about totally going vegetarian, much less vegan.   Maybe it's the long time conditioning that I have been accustomed to.  There is still so much to learn.  Choosing the right foods is not enough.  They must also be cooked with the right method to obtain the right energy (prana). And that takes a lot of time and practice.

And I have still to unlearn the habit of eating those kinds of species that moves.   Having that sumptuous vegetarian meal is just like eating chinese food,  you're  hungry again after a few hours.  So before heading back home, I passed by the grocery and   prepared myself  one heck of a meal.  Guess what I had?!!!!!!

our blackboard where she writes notes.....

Divya explaining at the same time cooking

after all those veggies, my body got traumatized and feared it was never going to have animal protein.......heheheh!! so i indulged my body with a good piece of steak,  some no brain mushrooms and 3 glasses of wine to wash down all that fat....but i did have good fat-- i had olives....my body was happy!.... but it's about time to practice some of those good pranas!

Listening Friends......

Somewhere near the wharf in Brooklyn,  the air is breezy and  I am lying down on a piece of cement slab under a tree that shades me from the warm afternoon sun.  I let my thoughts carry me where it wants me to go and as I look  up at the swaying leaves I am reminded of Buddha that saw enlightenment under a Bodhi tree.  But I don't want to talk about the four noble truths or about suffering which is what the Buddhist philosophy is all about.  But it's more of the three kinds of friends I have when I am faced with a suffering of my own.

The philosophical jargon in which the suffering you experience in you is not you  confuses me just as the saying, you are not your problem.  So I try to simplify the scenario when I put myself  in the seat as a counselor listening to the problematic one with whom I may have similar issues at hand. There and then will I be able to distinguish  the conflicted one separated to the experiencing  the conflict. It is a spiritual awakening in the battlefield of  one's lives which reveal what the real crisis is at hand.

 But how do I identify the havoc playing inside of me, battling themselves with each other wanting to be heard.  For these I call my super friends, the A-VAN-GIRLS  (I conned the name since the superhero flick is popular)  Anyway,  we all have roles for each of our bff's and it is easy to call them, just like when we need doctors for particular ailments.

First friend is  who I shall call as  'pretty preachy' because she has all the answers to every query and  is judgmental to every action resulting from  karma or the sower-seed principle, which  is her primary defense.  It may be good at times, especially when we are ready to accept annihilation to our person  which will  chop us up and reveal within us our very own mistaken identity of ourselves. If we are ready for that, then she is the friend to call for.

Then there is the 'nodding nadia' friend that  just goes with the flow.  She will nod her head and confirm with whatever you say, even when she knows you are wrong.  Yet because she doesn't like to add more hurt by saying anything, she affirms your belief.  After all, everything is relative, and it is your present experience that is important.  She is the type that says, “you're not alone.”  I am with you every step of the way.  Even if you know that  your decisions can be downright silly, irresponsible and downright imbecilic, she wouldn't care,  after all it's my decision that counts not hers.

Then finally there is that 'quiet queen';  One who just listens and holds your hand.  Not saying anything, not being judgmental yet having a one sentence opinion when asked.  She is that type that let's you  be with your emotions  because she knows that every single conflict being aired out is just but a peel of 

hardened sentiments.  And as this is uncovered, soon the real issue will reveal itself, and at the end of every uncovered peel lies the true self which we often fail and that which we call inner peace.

And as I remember my friends, a tear falls from my cheeks. How empty life would be without such friends.  I once read somewhere that peace is hiding somewhere inside the folds of our inner conflicts. And if one is a facilitator of peace, then that person should listen without being judgmental.  Because not listening is a form of  subtle violence which signals an expression of outer aggression.

The act of listening with total receptivity and attention is the greatest gift we can offer anyone and ourselves:  to fully listen to another person.  After all ,  Listening is a revolutionary act of peace. Do you have such friends?

Food is the new sex

One night, as I was having an orgasm, a thought occurred to me.   Now what kind of beginning sentence is that—well it's what Clinton Palanca wrote on his essay “the Last Word”, and he did catch my attention.  I wonder what his partner was thinking at that moment too... the author was multi tasking himself, thinking of something but doing another.  He was then relating his culinary french experience to sex.

I recall a good friend of mine, who complained about his wife that in the middle of their love making the wife says, “have you paid the electric bills.”  Now that is anti-climatic, don't you think.  But then again, it's more hilarious than erotic.  But back to my thoughts.

Well, as they say, food is the new sex. Let me go on to say that in both instances with food and sex, it should not be done in haste.  Properly timed and rightly seasoned is what I could think it to be.   We've heard tons about it and the book “aphrodite' describes it so vividly.

“A well thought out dinner forms a crescendo beginning with the pianissimo of the soup, passing through the delicate arpeggios of the appetizer, culminating with the fanfare of the main course, which is followed finally, by the dulcet chords of the dessert.  The process is comparable to that of making love with style, beginning with insinuations, savoring erotic juices, reaching the climax with the usual crash of cymbals and finally sinking into pleasureful and well deserved repose.”

We've all heard about food pornography  or  such that there are words which can best describe an ingredient such as extra virgin olive oil or a menstruation red apple. And even in consumption or consummation of such,  we take for granted that  too much of a good thing doesn't lead to a desirable effect. We either become obese or a maniac.

Food like sex starts with the eyes.  A melon like butt, or a luscious pear with ripe cherry tip, or how about a sturdy shape like banana  protruding from the pants of a hunk. From the eyes it gradually works its way through its sense...but then again, how can we differentiate pornography with that of eroticism.  Porno is method without inspiration, while the latter is inspiration without method.  In Kitchenese lingo eroticism is using a feather, while pornography is using the whole hen.  Got it?

Anyway, enough writing for the day.  A good hand for making a sauce is like a good hand for giving a massage.  So here's a recipe  of a very popular Chile sauce to complement meats, fish and vegetables.  You don't want to try it if you're frightened by things spicy...but then again I dare you to...

4 chile peppers (Jalapeno for example)
¼ cup lemon juice
¼ cup vegetable oil
1 tbsp. Salt
2 tbsp. Chopped chives
2 tbsp. Chopped cilantro
2 tbsp. Chopped parsley
3 tbsp. Vinegar

Split open peppers, remove seeds and devein and minced by hand.  Let marinate for 30 minutes with lemon juice, and salt, then drain.  Add all the remaining spices and herbs and the vinegar. Store in a sealed bottle in the refrigeratot until time to serve.

And finally,  according to many,  there are 4 food groups:  pizza, coffee, chocolate and sex
And by the way, why do people smoke after eating or having sex?

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Kids say Darn.....whatever...

When we think that by middle age we are done parenting, think again. Lately, I have seen many of my friends finding a new kind of happiness. That of being grandparents. I delight myself not only in watching my grandkids grow, but often times I sees myself in my own children raising their own toddlers.

A few days ago, my granddaughter Elise said, “lola, when I'm a teenager, you're going to die.” I grasped at her comment and asked, “why do you say that Elise?” “Well, lola, it's because you're old.” she said. That was a reality check for me. When we think that we can remain forever young, our bodies often give us away. Not only that, we used to think of our parents as antiquated, but now those same adjectives are now passed on to us in the eyes of today's younger generation.

Technology has made information more accessible to the young, and even restrictions find their way to inquiring minds which often baffles the supervising adult. Unless kids would rather google for answers, we, the today's hip replacement generation, should be better equipt in answering. After all, we have lived longer than them.

I did have an intent conversation one morning with William, a young boy of 9 years. He was relating his experiences in school about his buddies trying to act 'mature' by knowing 'big' words. From this he said, “tita, I know the F word.” and so I said to myself, 'oh no, I hope I don't mess up on giving the right info on this one... Anyway.....

I bluffed William that I didn't think he knew it, but then when he said, “Tita the F word is ---am not saying it but it's spelled F-U-C-K”. I looked at him with a poker face and asked, “do you know what that means, William”. “yes tita, it's bad! Its what people do on dates” he answered. If I was old school I'd probably wash his mouth with soap and water, and lambasted him with a sermon of never mentioning it again until he graduated college. But then again, children nowadays are smarter and so I put on my thinking cap and had to explain.

“William, the word comes from an old English story of long ago. When the king had to go to war, he'd bring several men to do battle with him. It took them months to be away from their families. And finally , when they would come home, the king ordered them to be with their families to make up for the lost time when the warriors would be away. So in every warrior's house, they would put a sign F-U-C-K and no one was allowed to disturb them. Those accronyms meant Family time Under Consent of the King. And that is the story of the word. “

In reality, I had to substitute the word F for Family Time when it really meant Fornicating. If not, then my explanation would be more complicated than I'd want it to be.

Then he again said, “Okay, how about B-b-b-b with an I and a T-C-H. That's a bad word too.” “Not if you say it in the wrong way. Bitch means a female dog.” William's eyes grew big as if wondering why I was so complacent about saying a word that was a taboo to a third grader in an exclusive school. So I continued my lecture, “A lot of words have been used to mean bad but when really they were good words to start with. “

“Do you understand what I'm saying, William?” I asked.

“I guess so, Tita” he answered. Then he added, “why can you say butt and can't say ass, when they mean the same thing but ass is bad.”

“Well, that's because ass could mean also 'donkey' and someone probably once said you don't do anything but sit on your 'ass' . I don't know why they think it's bad. Like I said, good words can be used to mean it in a bad way. So be careful with what you say and how you want to mean it.”

“Hmmm, okay tita,” said William. And with that off he went to play.

It is amazing how this kids can be so innocent while we have become so corrupted. And of course, it is our responsibility to best explain to them as if we were children ourselves.

I am reminded of an incident where a 6 year old boy went to his grandmother and asked. “Grandma, what do you call two people sleeping together and one is on top of the other.”

Grandma shook her head and stopped to collect her senses, wondering what to say to the little boy. Then she said, “well son, it's called SEX and you only do that when you love each other and hopefully are married.”

“okay grandma,” said the boy, skipping happily away. A few moments later, the boy came back with a hard, angry face stomping towards the grandmother. Then he blurted out, “Grandma, you're lying. It's called a Double Deck and my friend's mom wants a word with you.”

And to all the grandparents out there, good luck on your grandparenting. And be sure to always be FUN (so they don't say you're going to die because you're old), FACTUAL (so they don't think you make up stories)....but best of all be CREATIVE!

And All Because of Facebook

I am not one to believe a story when it comes out in the newspaper, because they hype up the negatives and water down the real issue. Lately, there is this news happening in my hometown about senior students from an exclusive girl's school who will not be able to 'walk the aisle' but can graduate considering they have completed their high school education.

The problem lies in the pictures found in facebook where a bunch of teen age girls were seen at the beach in garbs that left little to the imagination. Moreover, the girls were in 'compromising' positions like almost making out with some boys of their peers, and these 'evidences' were presented to the nuns by some 'concerned' student. Apparently, the parents of the girls were informed and some sort of understanding was agreed. One teacher apparently was going to give a “D” grade for conduct but the parent requested for leniency so a “C” was given. That would have sufficed for the meantime, but when the parents realized that her daughter will not be allowed to enroll at a prestigious college with a 'C' on the report card, she went into a dilemna. And adding insult to injury was the fact that her daughter would not be able to participate in the rites due to her inappropriate actions. Said parent(s) went balistic and had to go to court....the rest is what you read in the papers.

Apparently, some 40 years ago I had an encounter with the principal of the same school in question. (Yes, I went to that exclusive girl's school those girls studied). I was on a project to assist in a concert featuring a trio and we were going to do school campus tours. I was in my senior year in high school and this was a part time job after school and would end after the concert. Anyway, we did some campus rounds one afternoon and would continue the next day. However, the morning after that first trip, I was called to the principal's office. Said principal did not condone my going around with some group of musicians and a testosteronic group, but the problem came when I did the school campus tours in my uniform. I immediately saw their point but couldn't figure it out since people my age from different schools joined the motorcade in their school uniforms but were not reprimanded. Why single me out? I just don't get it? But the good girl I am, I complied.

The teenagers that were reprimanded in those facebook pictures are enrolled in a religious setting and theirs is one of strict compliance. School policies are policies that must be kept to uphold their reputation as one with high standards. Regardless of the fact that the incident was not done inside the school campus or with any signs of school representations, yet those unruly behaviors must not be left unattended. So who is to blame? The school for not instilling the virtue of modesty? Or the parents, who are responsible for their children's behavior when not in school?

As I write this piece, a news from the television caught me by surprise. It is a similar incident where a group of young girls were banned from using facebook because it 'violates the orthodox of modesty.”
http://www.myfoxny.com/dpp/news/no-facebook-for-hasidic-school-students-ncx-20120329


So what is the real issue in all this? Religion? Breeding? Reputation? Righteousness? Modesty? It could be one and it could be all. Where the teenagers victims of the nuns refusal for them to be part of the graduations ceremony? Or where the nuns protecting the integrity of the school which they have so religiously hold. Did the parents have to subject this to a court drama to hide their humiliation of having a recalcitrant child in an autocratic school.

But now the cat is out of the bag. All parties have been subjected to trial by publicity. The court has demanded that the school allow these girls to join the graduation rites. In time all this brouhaha will soon die down, after all, the newspaper sold the story and was juicy while it lasted. The school will probably be more exact in its policies and hopefully those teenagers will learn something from this. Hopefully, there won't be another facebook incident for that school. Hopefully!!!!!!



this picture was taken 40 years ago and all these girls in bikinis are from an exclusive girl school.....
sent to me by my cousin...and if you can spot me, i am in this....now my question: will the nuns
take away our diplomas after seeing this?.....HAHAHAHAH!

How to Torture Your Significant Other

You often hear your kids say, “mom, I'm bored” and many a times, it is easy to tell them that boredom belong only to fools because there is so much to do in this world and so little time. But when a wife becomes bored, what does she do? Well annoy her husband and torture him of course....And here are some suggestions which I gathered (and I altered some myself) on how to annoy your husband.


Hide the remote: if there's one thing that a t.v addicted husband hates is when he can't find the remote especially if his favorite show is on. Then he goes balistic when he really can't find it.

Do you have a husband that just can't get his hands off you? Then the easiest way to annoy him is bribe him with sex but don't pay up. I have several friends with husbands who think their wives owe them 'sex' due to the numerous refusals of the wife. My advise to wives who have husbands that do countdowns is to just declare a Chapter 11 (bankruptcy) and they cannot run after you until after 7 years. In the meantime, it's cash basis, so husbands have to pay up! (Diamond rings, new car, designer clothes, travels...etc... am I right, girls, or am I right?!)

If there's one thing that your hubby will get so annoyed is when you flirt with his friends. How many husbands hate it when their own wives flirt? But ladies, when you do flirt , just get ready for a lashing once you are in the privacy of your own bedroom. It really gets them annoyed and he eventually will say “what's with you?”

if that's not bad enough, your hubby will really get irked if you have a dinner date with your ex. Oh well! As for me, I can't have any dinner dates with my exes because they're all in the Phlippines or somewhere in timbuktu. But I can annoy him if I open my facebook account and surf on my exes timeline, while hubby is passing behind your back. Now that's annoying.

Sign your hubby to a dance class. If you're hubby is not a dance enthusiast and you would want him to at least learn because you dance yourself , then by all means, sign him up. Rest assured, that if there's one thing that will really annoy your hubby is to sign him up with something he is not so keen on even if it's not a dance class.

Treat him to a massage, but don't tell him that it's going to be done by a male . Now that's a no brainer, don't you think? But before you tell him his masseuse is male, egg him on how great the masseuse is on how your body was really rejuvenated, even if you didn't have a massage by the said masseuse.

Put him on a drastic diet. I once had an aunt who complained that my uncle wasn't giving her enough money for groceries that one day she decided to play a trick on him. She made him baked chicken but not until she sort of scraped off a lot of meat from the chicken. So when my uncle got his dinner he was surprised to see a skinny dry baked chicken. Of course it irked him, but eventually, my aunt accomplished her mission. Her allowance was increased.

This is a classic. TAMPER WITH HIS THINGS. Some ideas would be, loosen the screws of his eyeglasses, replace red ballpens with blue, starch his shirts, or just place his things randomly not in its regular place. And remember, always keep a poker face.

There are still so many ways like : Forget his birthday, whine about a big dream, badger him about his greying hair or balding spot, get rid of his porn (hahahah), use his picture for target practice, drag him to a marriage counselor (even if you don't need one), crown yourself with 'Queen of Jealousy' , pretend you have a secret admirer and send yourself roses, circulate his most embarassing picture, etc..etc..etc.. I can think of many ways and am so sure you could too.

But regardless of how much we annoy our own husbands, it's really a matter of attitude. My hubby, when he's in the mood, just laughs at my crazy stints. But I cannot deny that there are times that my antics would backfire, and we end up arguing. But you know what, one secret of having a great relationship is when we can both have a good fight. Because after every fight comes passionate sex. So ladies, start annoying your hubby, and tell me about it!


I have used this advise so many times and hubby would often say "there goes your theresian upbringing again".....well isn't that what the nuns taught us? spokening in england kuno!

The "F" - Word

My body has been rebellious nowadays. It won't follow my command. It wants to be on its own, so one day, I followed my body. Wasn't there a statement that said, “your body is not you, you are not your body.” So then it tantamounts to “who am I?” But then again, all that philosophical jargon isn't always my cup of tea. I'll leave that to my hubby who thinks he's from Andromeda. Oh well!

So here I am aware that my body is not me. But then, how could it not be? Until I realized that your body is your vehicle in the physical world. That to me is real. And many a times we fall prey to that which they call 'coca cola' figure. And I ask, which one? 8 oz or family size?

We are so psyched up that a thin, flat bellied, curvaceous body is what we should have. Even the fashion models are getting thinner and malnourished nowadays. Thanks to media who portray women as such. And my take on that is - who would want to eat a meal and be served bones? Uh-uh, not me.

During my teens and onwards, I always took care of my body by eating well and doing a lot of exercise. But a few years after marriage, I decided to go with the flow. In my thoughts, why should I take care of my body when it's only my husband that will see it? And so I let go. But no matter how much I ate to my heart's content, I never gained weight. I didn't want to be thin which made me look malnourished. But others thought that I was lucky to have such genes. While others would gorge and soon showed results, I maintained my usual skinny self even if I stuffed myself to death.

I thought I was superwoman eating to her hearts delight and not gaining any weight, until one day I had a reality check. As I was trying on some clothes at a department store, I saw a woman in the mirror whose love handles were oozing from the sides. As my eyes gazed from her bulging belly, I could see a layer of folded fat which rested two independent mounds with protruding points that looked like nipples. As I scrutinized higher, the face that had seen better days seemed to look familiar. And as if in a dream I blurted out, “what have you done to Vanette?”

Depression would have come easily if I dwelt on it, but instead I giggled. I saw my belly vibrating everytime I chuckled. And the louder I Iaughed, the more my belly jiggled like jello. After that realization at the clothes store, I made a game plan. I did some gymn workouts; I tried belly dancing and I even tried zumba. But the harder I tried to get rid of those belly fat, the more I ate. Not good!

Then it just dawned on me that it is not the goal of being who you want to become, but it is the journey in getting there that counts. Somehow, I realized that how I spend my days is going to be how I will spend my life. The physical body is just a case that I use, to fulfill my functions as a human being, just like the brain is a vehicle that holds your thoughts. Did I want to subject it to a roller coaster of binging and excercising to balance what they call a healthy body?

At this point, I went into a spiritual recognition with my body. I befriended my body and listened to what it was saying. When it told me to run, I ran. And when it said stop, I stopped. When it told me to do yoga, I did. I heard the squeaks and squeals inside of me that manifested itself from years of depriving the right excercises. Whatever my body dictated, I followed and I have never been happier.

Even when it told me to binge on steaks, cakes and shakes, I did it as well. But there were times when my body also told me to go vegetarian/vegan, I obeyed like a lamb. My body became my best friend.
The billboards and advertisements that show skinny women to attract consumers are standards that men want to portray on women. It is these standards that makes women stress themselves out. I do not condone this way of thinking, yet I do not succumb to it just because everyone else does. I choose to be me. And what my body says to me is just what I will see when I come face to face with it in the mirror.

Borrowing words from Geneen Roth in her book Women, Food and God : “ Real change happens bit by bit. It takes great effort to become effortless in anything. There are no quick fixes.” So ladies, why the fuzz?

In ending I shall tell you a story. One day while visiting my granddaughters, Andrea came up to me and engaged in conversation:

Andrea: Lola, I know the “F” word that's bad.
Me: Really? Who told you?
Andra: Basta lola, I know it and I'm not even suppose to mention it.
Me: No you don't know, you're too young to even know what it means,
Andres: I know what it means and I'm not saying.
Me: Tell me!
Andrea: No! I wont
Me: Then you don't know it because you wont tell me
Andrea: Okay! (and looks around and starts to whisper) the F word lola is 'FAT'!
And mommy says it's a bad word.

And Andrea says it all!