35 plus 5

The smart thing that my hubby every did was to get married on his birthday.  That way, it would be impossible for him to forget our anniversary which happens to be today as well.  A few days ago, our friends have started greeting us with an inquiry of how long have we been together.  I always say, 35 years in paper, plus 5 year before that.  So in layman’s terms---pretty darn long.

So what is the secret of our staying together? Let me count some ways (for now--list might get longer if we’re still together...hahaha)

1. Have a good fight! Let’s face it, any marriage that has not had an argument is a boring one.  It’s because they have that notion that when people marry, they become ONE, but i ask, which ONE?  Have you heard that saying that in every marriage, there is always one who is right and the other one is a husband.  Oh well!!!
2. Hubby and I do argue A LOT, and contrary to many psychology books, we label each other.  I know it’s not the norm, but we get a kick out of it. He calls me the ‘Denial Queen’ or the ‘Drama Queen’  and I call him Peter Pan Pappy or sometimes the Prophet of Doom, that’s because he makes predictions on current events regarding Global issues while the only current event I know is what happens in the neighborhood.
3. And most important, we give each other lots of  space .  LIke the quote that says, “We need to give each other the space to grow, to be ourselves, to exercise our diversity. We need to give each other space so that we may both give and receive such beautiful things as ideas, openness, dignity, joy, healing, and inclusion. “

When we joined facebook years ago, we had several status on our profiles.  First, we had an open relationship, because initially I didn’t know what it meant until it caused a stir among our friends. I thought being open in a relationship meant a lot of honesty and trust, until I found out it was promiscuity which was way far from my vocabulary.  So we  changed it to ‘it’s complicated’, because half of the time I was in New Jersey while hubby stays in New York.  The complicated status became  controversial as well.  So now we just had to be content with being ‘married’.

Marriage has a lot of meaning to many people.  But to us, it is a commitment.  In many of our drama moments and in the heat of debates, I’d often blurt out, “If you can’t take my sh*t anymore, you can just walk out the door,”  and often his replies are so predictable he’d say, “What?! and make you the hero of your drama?  Never! I’ll never leave you!”  ----Isn’t that romantic, or what!!!!!

In other relationships, marriage could also just be a legal way to have sex.  In our case,  we have evolved, we just do oral sex.  We just talk about it.   In the heat of our bickerings and squables we yelp out  into  ‘F.U.s’  which is normally the climax of our oral sex.  And they say, that as you grow older, people just tend to have ‘anal sex’ - they just analyze what it is for. But we’re not there yet.

Oh well!  but whatever it is, I am thankful for the partner I have.  He may not be perfect, but he is a hopeless romantic and I am----well, I am who I am, I take everything with a grain of salt and find humor in every situation, after all, isn’t life just a big joke and we are jesters.

And to my hubby, cheers to those years.  The first 5 was the appetizer, these 35 years was the entree, let’s start having the dessert, oh but wait, did we have our veggies yet?t!!!! Happy birthday and Happy anniversary!  Even if we don’t agree at times, it’s still  l doobidoobidoo  labs you---hey! isn’t that a movie?

Eve is peeved, or is she?

 Yesterday I almost strangled my husband.  Well, how would you like it when you're invited  to hang out at a bar to listen to a friend who was playing that night and you came unprepared?  Normally, it would be a casual affair,  so I thought it was one of those regular nights that you just came as you are.

The bar/resto facade looked like a local pub,  but the moment I entered the place, the men were in suits and the women were in cocktail dresses busily chatting and having their gourmet dinner.  The receptionist asked us if we had dinner reservations and when we said no, she said there was an hour and a half wait if we wanted to be seated at a regular table.  My reaction was to leave, but hubby wanted to stay to support the singer whom he met months ago.

Although we couldn’t get a regular space, there was a high bar table kind that was available and that was were we stayed.  I had to carefully select my order since we weren’t prepared to spend so much.  Imagine ordering a 20 dollar  glass of wine which I could have just bought a bottle with that price and enjoyed it at home, or at  25 dollars for 6 pcs of oysters was too much,  but hubby was bent on having a good time and that was just that. To top it all, I was like a maid in Manhattan with black skorts and linen blouse with black flip flops that had seen better beaches.  And this was the moment I could have sworn I was having hot flashes and glaring vampire eyes at my hubby.

But as the evening moved on, and with wine in my system I loosened up.  I felt like a New Yorker with the attitude of ‘who cares’!!!  It was still early (around 10ish) when our singer friend was done, and so we hopped into another bar to listen to more sounds.  The Rockwell is famous for many a musicians gigs and an affordable place to enjoy good music.  After three bands and past midnight, we decided to grab something cheap to eat nearby.

A newly opened Japanese resto had a sign outside ‘ $1 dollar fresh oysters’.  It’s modern ambience was very inviting, but had no patrons.  We scrutinized the menu and found it affordable.  The first resto we went to that evening was so very different from this one, wherein  the earlier resto’s front of the house had too many service personnel. But this Japanese joint had only one asian guy  that served as the receptionist, waiter, somalier, coat checker, maitre d and busboy all rolled into one.  I don’t know if it was the time of night (or morning)...but I did enjoy my meal of fried soft shell crab salad--and hubby gorged on more oysters in retribution for those expensive oysters we had earlier.

Heading back home, the train we were suppose to take was off service.  Since it was such a beautiful evening for a walk, we did just that until we reached Union Square for another train back home.  It was a good 40 minutes on the subway train until we reached our destination, and as we walked to the apartment, a Mexican food truck was parked nearby and we had some tacos for  snacks.  Amazingly delicious especially when it is authentically made by a Mexican.

And as I recalled the evening’s happenings, a smile just came unto my lips.  At the onset, I could have choked, nagged or berated hubby for making me look inconsequential.  But then he’d probably blurt back and say, “what’s the fuzz!!! chill out!”  And if it happens to you, he’s right, “don’t sweat the small stuff! Otherwise it will grow and at our age, we don’t want anything growing to sweat it out!”... smile!!!!